cookie_mccool (cookie_mccool) wrote,

Sacre bleue!

Have you ever gone to the bathroom at work and realized your put your underwear on inside out or in some other way that is nontraditional? (I do this with alarming frequency.) That kind of sucks, and makes you feel like you're too stupid to even PUT UNDERWEAR ON CORRECTLY, and you hope they're cotton underwear because there is something about a having a hooty-hoo that makes you crave a nice cotton lining. Well, that's not today's underwear misadventure, because that's amateur stuff compared to what did happen. As I was pulling up my underwear, the side seam SNAPPED. Completely. I BROKE MY UNDERWEAR. Not because I have the strength of a hunchback who has the strength of ten bears, in my defense, but because cussing Victoria's cussing Secret seriously just decided to like hot glue the seams on these underwear so that they would be "seamless" or something.

I broke my underwear.

So I'm sitting there, in the handicapped stall because all the other stalls were taken, with one loose half of my underwear in one hand and the other loose half of my underwear in the other hand, thinking, "What? I broke my underwear! This did not just happen to me and my favorite lime green underwear! Can you just put your pants back on over broken underwear and hope they stay up? What the cuss! Why didn't I bring my little stapler with me? How am I going to get home with broken underwear, and more importantly, how am I going to then wear underwear that doesn't match my bra? " And you know what I did? I Jem and the Holgramsed those motherfucking underpants. I tied the floppy sides together, and you can just slap my ass and call me Pizzazz! It's really uncomfortable and now the underwear is not only broken and tied together, but seriously it is up my butt because I tied the everliving crap out of the knot. Because the only thing worse than breaking your underwear in the bathroom is your underwear breaking under your pants while you're walking to get a Coke.

Tags: a bad day at black rock, jem and the holograms, lingerie, victoria's secret

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